Embracing Your True Self: Identity Exploration in the LGBTQ+ Community
- Debbie Airth
- Jun 1
- 8 min read
Pride is more than a parade or a month on the calendar; it’s a powerful reminder that we are worthy of love, dignity, and belonging just as we are. As a counsellor and member of the LGBTQ+ community, Pride Month invites me to reflect on the ongoing journey of identity, how we discover it, how we claim it, and how we live it with pride.
This post marks the final chapter in my Exploring Your Identity: A Journey of Self-Discovery series. It’s a topic close to my heart because I’ve lived the layers of it, questioning, hiding, coming out, coming home to myself, and learning to celebrate who I am without apology. Whether you're just beginning to explore your identity, have been out for decades, or find yourself somewhere in between, or supporting someone on this journey, this space is for you.
Let’s talk about the courage it takes to be your authentic self in a world that doesn’t always make it easy, and the beauty that comes with doing so anyway.
2SLGBTQ+ Identity: More Than Just Labels
When we talk about 2SLGBTQ+ identity, it’s important to begin with understanding the term itself. The acronym stands for Two-Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, with the plus (+) symbol representing a wide and evolving range of identities, including pansexual, asexual, intersex, non-binary, genderqueer, and more. These identities reflect both sexual orientation (who we’re attracted to) and gender identity (our internal sense of self), distinct yet interconnected aspects.
Sexual orientation is about attraction. Whether someone identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, or asexual, it’s important to remember that these are not choices; they are innate parts of who we are.
Gender identity is about how we experience ourselves. This may include being transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, Two-Spirit, cisgender, or feeling like we exist outside the binary entirely.
What’s true for one person may not be true for another. Identity is deeply personal, beautifully fluid, and always evolving. You don’t need to fit into a box or settle on a label to be valid. You are allowed to take your time, change your mind, and grow into yourself.
Discovering Who You Are: The Long Road Home
For many of us in the LGBTQ+ community, identity isn’t something we arrive at in a straight line. It’s layered. Fluid. Sometimes messy. It can take years, decades even, to sift through what we’ve been taught, what we’ve survived, and what truly feels like us.
I remember knowing I was attracted to both boys and girls when I was young. But it didn’t feel safe to name it. It wasn’t just fear of rejection, it was a deep confusion about what labels even fit. Am I bi? Pan? Queer? Is this attraction real, or is it a response to trauma? I spent years in silence, wondering if I was “queer enough” to belong. It wasn’t until my thirties that I began living openly. And even then, I wasn’t sure what box to check.
Eventually, I let go of the boxes. Of needing a tidy label. I learned that identity can shift, expand, or soften over time, and that it’s okay to just be me. To feel my way through it. To trust that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. And neither do you.
The Weight of Shame, and the Light That Comes After
Living in a cisnormative, heteronormative world means that many LGBTQ+ folks internalize shame before we ever come out. We absorb messages that who we are is wrong, or sinful, or just “a phase.” Even when no one says it out loud, the silence can be deafening.
I’ve worked through some deep internalized homophobia and self-hatred over the years. I used to believe that my queerness was a byproduct of my trauma. That I was broken, and that my attraction to more than one gender wasn’t real. It took time and therapy for me to unpack that shame and understand that my queerness isn’t a flaw. It’s a vibrant, beautiful part of me.
If you’ve been carrying those messages or other messages, you’re not alone. It’s not your fault. And it’s never too late to reclaim the truth: You are not broken. You are becoming.
"Coming Out" Is a Process, Not a Moment
Coming out is often portrayed as a singular, defining moment, but in reality, it’s an ongoing journey. We come out in different ways, at different times, to different people, and for different reasons. Sometimes we choose visibility. Sometimes we choose safety. And both are valid.
There can be real risks involved: fear of rejection, strained relationships, loss of employment or housing, even violence. But there can also be profound liberation, a deepening of self-trust, authenticity, and connection. Living openly, when and where it feels safe to do so, can be an act of resilience. A reclaiming of joy. A way to say: I deserve to be seen.
Sometimes, exploring your identity means grieving the version of yourself you thought you “had” to be. At other times, it means rediscovering parts of yourself that you were taught to suppress. Both can be true. Both deserve tenderness.
I’ve worked with clients who carry the weight of societal shame, family rejection, or internalized homophobia and transphobia. These wounds are real, and they deserve space to be acknowledged and healed.
Intersectionality: Holding All Parts of Who You Are
Our identities are never just one thing. They intersect—race, culture, disability, neurodivergence, religion, class, gender—all of it matters. For some of us, coming out means navigating more than just personal acceptance; it also involves confronting societal expectations. It means negotiating safety, tradition, and multiple layers of marginalization.
As an Indigenous, neurodivergent, and disabled queer person, I’ve had to hold a lot at once. Sometimes it felt like there wasn’t space for all the parts of me. But I’ve learned that every piece of my identity deserves to exist. They don’t contradict each other; they inform and strengthen one another.
Your identity is yours to define. It doesn’t need to fit a mould or make sense to others. You deserve a life that allows all of you to be seen.
The Power of Community and Chosen Family
One of the most healing parts of my journey has been finding chosen family, people who see me, love me, and accept me unconditionally. For many LGBTQ+ folks, chosen family is a lifeline. Especially when biological families can't or won’t offer support, these connections become the safe spaces where we can exhale.
I’ll never forget the moment I found that kind of community. The relief of not having to explain myself. The joy of being around people who simply got it. It changed everything. It reminded me that I’m not alone, and never was.
If you’re still looking for that kind of support, please know it’s out there. You are not too much. You are not too late.
Beyond the Celebration: Common Struggles in the Community
It’s important to hold space for both pride and pain in 2SLGBTQ+ experiences. While many of us celebrate our identities, we also navigate unique and ongoing challenges.
Minority stress refers to the chronic stress experienced by those in marginalized communities due to discrimination, invalidation, and systemic barriers. This can impact mental health over time.
Mental health disparities in the LGBTQ+ community are well documented; higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance use, and suicide ideation are not because of who we are, but because of how we are treated.
Discrimination and violence still exist in housing, employment, healthcare, and public spaces. Trans and gender-diverse individuals, especially those who are racialized, face disproportionately high rates of violence and poverty.
Family rejection can be devastating, cutting off not just emotional support but access to housing, financial security, and safety nets.
Internalized shame—homophobia, biphobia, or transphobia can lead to self-doubt, secrecy, or harmful coping strategies. It takes time and support to unlearn these patterns and build self-worth.
And still, we persist. We create families of choice. We build community. We raise our voices and fight for justice, not just for ourselves, but for each other. Pride is protest and celebration, defiance and love.
The Role of Affirming Support
Mental health support can be a lifeline, but only when it affirms who you are. Too many LGBTQ+ individuals have faced judgment, erasure, or outright harm in healthcare settings. That’s why affirming, culturally sensitive counselling is so important. You deserve a therapist who respects your identity, your pronouns, your relationships, and your story.
In my practice, I work with LGBTQ+ clients who are exploring identity, navigating relationships, healing from trauma, and finding their voice. Sometimes, the work is about learning to trust yourself again. Other times, it’s about rebuilding self-worth that was chipped away by years of shame.
Wherever you are, therapy can help you uncover the strength that’s already within you.
Claiming Space, Cultivating Pride
Living authentically in a world that often tells us not to is an act of courage. It’s also an act of love, love for yourself, your truth, and your future.
You don’t need to be out to everyone to be valid. You don’t need the perfect label or the loudest voice. Living your truth can look quiet and slow and still be revolutionary.
Whether you're questioning, exploring, or deeply rooted in your identity, you deserve to feel seen, safe, and celebrated. You deserve joy, love, and connection. You deserve to take up space.
Allyship in Action: How to Stand With Us
For those who want to support the 2SLGBTQ+ community, allyship is more than a rainbow post in June; it’s a commitment to learning, unlearning, and consistently showing up.
Here are some ways to practice meaningful allyship:
Understand the basics. Educate yourself on terms, histories, and lived experiences; don’t rely solely on LGBTQ+ people to teach you.
Listen actively. When someone shares their story, believe them. Hold space with curiosity, not judgment.
Respect pronouns and names. This isn’t optional, it’s about dignity. Using someone’s correct pronouns and chosen name is one of the simplest, most powerful ways to affirm their identity.
Challenge prejudice. Speak up when you hear homophobic, transphobic, or biphobic jokes or slurs, even in private. Silence reinforces harm.
Advocate and support. Whether it’s voting for inclusive policies, donating to LGBTQ+-led organizations, or volunteering your time, your actions matter.
Create safe spaces. Make your workplace, classroom, home, or community a visibly affirming space. Representation and inclusivity save lives.
Commit to the long haul. Allyship isn’t a destination, it’s a practice. Stay open, stay humble, and continue to grow.
Reflection Prompts
What parts of your identity have shifted over time? Which have stayed constant?
In what spaces do you feel most seen and affirmed?
What internalized messages or beliefs about identity are you ready to release?
Who is in your chosen family? How do they support your authenticity?
How can you show yourself compassion while navigating identity?
A Final Reflection: This Is Just the Beginning
As this blog series comes to a close, I want to thank you for showing up, for reading, for reflecting. Exploring Your Identity: A Journey of Self-Discovery has been about honouring the complexity of who we are and how we grow. We've explored many facets of our identity, from aging, grief, neurodiversity and more. And now, here, at the beginning of Pride, we close with the reminder that identity is not a destination. It’s a lifelong unfolding.
If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong, like your story was too messy, too complicated, or too different, I hope you know now: You are enough. Your story matters. Your identity is yours to own and embrace.
May you continue discovering who you are.
May you find the people who celebrate you.
May you live your truth, however it unfolds.
Happy Pride, from my heart to yours. 🌈
Debbie
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