Embracing Unique Identities: Neurodiversity, Disability, and the Journey of Self-Discovery

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou

Our identities are shaped by so many things: our experiences, our culture, our relationships, and how the world sees us. For those of us who are neurodivergent or disabled, identity can feel especially layered. It’s not just about who we are, but also about how we’ve been perceived, misunderstood, celebrated, or overlooked.

As a neurodivergent counsellor with a disability and a parent of neurodivergent children, I’ve come to see identity not as a box we check but as something we grow into, something we reclaim, something we shape for ourselves.

Let’s explore how neurodivergence and disability are part of that journey.

Defining Key Terms with Care and Nuance

Neurodiversity refers to the natural variation in human neurobiology. It includes the full spectrum of how people think, feel, process, and interact with the world. Neurodiversity reminds us that there isn’t one “normal” brain or way of being; there are many different ones. It’s not about deficits. It’s about differences.

Neurodivergence is a term for individuals whose neurocognitive functioning diverges from societal norms. This includes people with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, Tourette’s, and others. Importantly, neurodivergence isn’t inherently disabling, but can become disabling in environments that aren’t built to accommodate difference.

Disability, as understood through the social model, is not a personal shortcoming but something created by systemic and social, physical, attitudinal, or institutional barriers. A neurodivergent individual might be highly capable in a supportive environment and profoundly limited in another. The issue lies not within the person but in the lack of accessibility, acceptance, and inclusion.

Identity is complex, fluid, and multifaceted. Our neurodivergence or disability does not exist in a vacuum. It intersects with other aspects of who we are: our culture, race, gender, sexuality, history, and more.

The Intertwined Nature of Identity

For many neurodivergent and disabled people, these traits are not just medical or diagnostic labels; they are part of how we see and understand ourselves. And yet, many of us grow up being told, subtly or overtly, that these parts of us are problems to hide or overcome.

Self-discovery often includes unmasking, shedding layers of camouflage we developed to fit in, and beginning to show up more fully and authentically. This process can be liberating but also bring grief, shame, and fear. Many clients I work with come to therapy to unpack internalized ableism and reconnect with their sense of worth.

I’ve felt this, too, in moments of deep overwhelm or when navigating systems that weren’t built for my brain or body. But I’ve also found profound peace and pride in embracing my neurodivergence as a source of creativity, intuition, and resilience.

Challenging Stigma and Everyday Ableism

Ableism, the discrimination in favour of non-disabled people, is deeply embedded in many parts of our world. It shows up in subtle but harmful ways: assuming someone is lazy when they struggle with executive functioning, saying “you don’t look autistic,” or treating accessibility like an afterthought.

Sometimes, ableism is loud. But often, it’s quiet. Lowered expectations, rigid workplace policies, or assumptions about what someone can or can’t do. These messages shape how neurodivergent and disabled folks see themselves, often long before they have the words to describe their experiences.

Even well-intentioned language can reinforce stigma. That’s why how we talk matters. Some people prefer person-first language (“a person with ADHD”), while others feel empowered by identity-first language (“an autistic person”). There’s no one-size-fits-all approach; respecting each person’s preference is key.

And while some neurodivergent or disabled folks may share certain challenges or strengths, it’s essential to remember:

The experiences of autistic people, and those with other forms of neurodivergence or disability, are as beautifully varied as the communities themselves.

Challenging ableism means listening instead of assuming, asking instead of labelling, and honouring the full humanity of people whose brains or bodies may work differently than what society deems “typical.” It means amplifying disabled and neurodivergent voices, not speaking over them.

Every voice matters. Everyone deserves the dignity of being understood on their own terms.

Highlighting Strengths and Unique Perspectives

Too often, conversations about neurodivergence or disability are focused on what’s hard. And yes, there are challenges. But there’s also brilliance, creativity, resilience, and perspective that come from experiencing the world differently.

Some people with ADHD bring incredible energy, outside-the-box thinking, and adaptability. Autistic folks might notice patterns others miss or bring deep focus to their passions. People with dyslexia often shine in visual thinking and problem-solving.

There’s no single “superpower” narrative, but there are unique strengths worth celebrating. While neurodivergent individuals may share some common strengths, each person has unique talents and abilities.

The Power of Community and Belonging

One of the most healing forces in identity development is community. It means finding people who see your worth without needing explanation. Whether it’s a support group, an online forum, or a friendship that feels like home, connection helps us feel less alone and more whole.

You don’t have to mask, shrink, or justify your needs in these spaces. You can show up as you are, and be met with understanding. That kind of belonging is powerful.

Online communities, advocacy groups, and peer support spaces offer more than just resources. They offer solidarity. In them, identity becomes not just something to accept, but something to celebrate.

I’ve felt the grounding strength of friendships rooted in mutual understanding. They remind me and many others that we’re not broken. We’re just different. And different isn’t something to hide; it’s something the world needs.

Cultural Attunement: Identity Through a Broader Lens

Our experiences of neurodivergence and disability don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re shaped by culture, race, gender, sexuality, language, and family dynamics. How these identities are expressed, supported, or stigmatized varies widely across communities.

In some cultures, neurodivergence and disability may be misunderstood or silenced. In others, they may be viewed through spiritual, communal, or intergenerational lenses. We each carry cultural stories that shape how we see ourselves and how others see us.

As an Indigenous counsellor, I know that healing must include this context. Colonization, racism, and historical trauma add layers of complexity to how neurodivergent and disabled identities are formed and lived. Culturally attuned therapy must hold space for these intersections, not just in theory, but in practice.

Being culturally responsive means listening deeply. It means understanding that someone’s experience of ADHD, autism, chronic pain, or any other form of difference will look and feel different depending on where they come from, the language available to them, and the expectations they’ve grown up with.

There is no one-size-fits-all story. And that’s not a challenge, it’s a strength.

Empowerment Through Advocacy and Allyship

Embracing your identity as neurodivergent or disabled can be an act of courage and self-love. It might look like asking for accommodations without apology, naming your needs clearly, or simply holding space for your truth.

Self-advocacy isn’t always easy, especially in systems not designed with you in mind. But each small step toward authenticity matters.

And for allies: your role is powerful. Learn, listen, and amplify disabled and neurodivergent voices. Make space. Challenge ableist norms when you see them. Use your privilege to help create a world where all bodies and brains are valued. Whether you’re neurodivergent, disabled, both, or neither, you can:

• Challenge ableist language and assumptions.

• Promote accessibility in your workplace, school, or community.

• Support identity-affirming representation in media and education.

• Actively listen to and uplift neurodivergent and disabled voices and their lived experiences.

Reflection Questions

• How have societal expectations shaped your understanding of yourself or others who are neurodivergent or disabled?

• Are there ways you’ve masked or minimized parts of yourself to fit in?

• What does empowerment look like for you or your loved ones?

• What are some of your unique strengths or ways of thinking that you value?

• Who are the people or communities where you feel seen and understood?

• What would it mean to advocate for yourself with more confidence or compassion?

Final Reflections: You Deserve to Be Fully Seen

There’s no one way to be neurodivergent. No one story that captures the richness of disability. And no single definition of what it means to live an empowered, authentic life.

But this much is true: you are allowed to take up space, unlearn shame, celebrate what makes you, you, and surround yourself with people who see your strengths, honour your needs, and walk alongside you in your journey.

Whether you’re just beginning to explore this part of yourself or have been walking this path for a long time, know this:

You are not alone.

You are not too much.

You are worthy, exactly as you are.

Join me next week as we explore how identities can be formed and expressed in the context of various relationship structures.