Understanding and Building Self-Esteem: A Journey to Self-Acceptance
- Debbie Airth
- Feb 18
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 25

We talk about self-esteem like it’s something you either have or don’t, a fixed trait, like eye colour. But in real life, it doesn’t work that way.
Self-esteem is more like a relationship—a long, layered, evolving one, with yourself.
And like any relationship, it can get bruised. It can be built up. It can be neglected, repaired, challenged, or deepened. It’s not about always feeling confident or getting it right. It’s about how you speak to yourself when no one else is around. It's about the stories you carry about who you are and what you believe you deserve.
And for many of us, those stories started long before we even knew we were writing them.
What Self-Esteem Really Means
At its core, self-esteem is your inner sense of worth. It's the quiet belief that you matter, not because you’ve done something impressive or met someone else’s standards, but simply because you're human.
It’s what helps you say, “I deserve to be treated with care.”
It’s what keeps you going when you make a mistake, or when life hands you something challenging and unexpected.
It’s what allows you to dream, rest, love, and say no.
But here’s the thing: most of us weren’t taught to trust our worth. We were taught to prove it.
What Shapes the Way You See Yourself
Your self-esteem didn’t begin in adulthood, and it certainly didn’t start with one mistake, one breakup, or one bad review.
It began in small, powerful moments, like how you were spoken to. What you were praised for, or criticized for. Whether you felt safe being your whole self, or if love felt conditional. Whether you were celebrated or just tolerated.
And then, culture layered on its own messages, about what it means to be “successful,” or “beautiful,” or “enough.” For many, those messages never fit to begin with.
Your race. Your gender. Your body. Your neurodivergence. Your sexuality. Your grief. Your illness. Your story.
It all gets wrapped up in the way you see yourself.
So if your self-esteem feels shaky, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’ve been human in a world that hasn’t always made space for you to feel worthy just as you are.
How Low Self-Esteem Can Quietly Show Up
It’s not always obvious. In fact, it’s often hidden behind things that look “productive” or “nice.”
It might sound like:
“I don’t want to bother anyone.”
“I should have known better.”
“I’m just not as good as other people.”
It might show up as:
Overthinking every decision.
Avoiding things that matter because failing would hurt too much.
Apologizing for taking up space.
Saying yes when you mean no, over and over again.
Struggling to believe someone when they say something kind.
Maybe this is familiar to you. Maybe it’s exhausting.
Maybe part of you knows, deep down, that something needs to shift.
So... Can Self-Esteem Be Rebuilt?
Yes. Unequivocally, yes.
You can change the way you relate to yourself. You can learn to speak more kindly, to honour your needs, to recognize your strength, even when the voice in your head is unsure.
It won’t happen all at once. It’s not a checklist you tick off.
It’s a slow return to yourself.
A remembering.
A rebuilding.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
How Therapy Can Support This Work
Therapy gives you space to explore the parts of your story that shaped your self-esteem. It’s not about blaming the past, it’s about understanding it, so it doesn’t keep writing your future.
In this work, we can:
Unpack the old messages that taught you, you weren’t enough.
Explore the patterns that no longer serve you.
Practice new ways of speaking to yourself, with compassion and honesty.
Rebuild trust in your own voice, body, and choices.
Celebrate the parts of you that have survived and grown, even in the toughest conditions.
This is tender work. But it’s also powerful work. And you don’t have to be “ready,” you just have to be curious enough to begin.
If You’re Not Quite Ready Yet
That’s okay, too. Here are some gentle places to start, right where you are:
Notice how you speak to yourself. Would you say those words to someone you love?
Name one thing you’re proud of today. Even if it’s just getting out of bed. Especially if it’s just getting out of bed.
Set one small boundary. Celebrate it, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Practice self-compassion. Mistakes don’t mean you’re unworthy; they mean you’re trying and you’re human.
Stay curious. Ask why something feels hard, instead of judging yourself for struggling with it.
You don’t need to transform overnight. You just need to take one step toward yourself.
You Are Not a Project, You Are a Person
Building self-esteem isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about coming home to the truth that you were never unworthy to begin with.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to need things.
You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to begin again.
And if you’d like someone to walk beside you in this, someone who will remind you of your worth when you forget, I’m here.
Let’s rewrite the story, together.
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